When is the Right Time to Stay at Home for the Family?

WHICH is important: money or family? Parents often ask themselves this question, especially when both daddy and mommy go to work everyday. The quality time that they spend with the kids are always put to the bottom of the list due to financial difficulties. To pay bills on time, daddy or mommy would take a second or even a third job to earn more extra money.

The end result: kids were left neglected or ignored even during weekends, which were supposedly the bonding time for the family.

What is really more important? Family or money? I’ve asked this crucial question to myself more than a thousand times after I gave birth to my first child. Every time I go to work, I felt pulled to opposite directions. I didn’t want to put my baby in the care of strangers but I have to earn money to buy all my baby’s needs. Both I and my husband married young so we had no stable jobs then.

My firstborn was almost 2 years old when she got ill with chronic cough. I thought it was just a regular cough so I just gave her the over-the-counter pedriatic cough syrup. I was also distracted by the rising demands from work and the growing figures in our monthly bills so I didn’t notice that my child’s cough and fever had been on-and-off for about a month. And worse, I self-medicated and gave her antibiotics as well.

The worsening condition finally got my whole attention when my daughter’s vomit had some traces of blood. The doctor suspected that her true illness was broncho-pneumonia and wanted to confine my baby to a hospital for further tests and observation.

I couldn’t accept it. I refused to follow the doctor’s advice. Maybe I went a little crazy then but I felt so guilty and I was blaming myself. Deep inside me, I was certain that it was my fault. I should’ve been the one taking care of my baby not just somebody else. So I filed for a long vacation leave at work and started attending to my toddler’s needs. I opted to try herbal remedies because chemical-based medications failed her.

I preferred to try home treatment or home remedies first through giving more nutritious and vitamin-rich foods to my child. Vegetables and fruits were added to her diet at once. My main purpose was to help her young body remove the chemicals of medication from her system while regaining back her health.

Every morning, I gave my baby a glass of freshly-squeezed calamansi (or lemon) juice mixed with one teaspoon of natural honey. Every other night, I boiled several ampalaya (bitter melon or bitter gourd) leaves or a stalk of lemon grass in small amount of water for about 10 minutes. The brew was dark-colored and very, very bitter but I always managed to trick my daughter to swallow the herbal brew through use of a clean medicine dropper. Her small head was slightly tilted while held in my arm so that the bitter liquid would flow straight into her throat and wouldn’t be tasted by her tongue. Just one teaspoon was enough.

Thankfully, my daughter recovered after ejecting some of the sticky and yellowish phlegm through her stool and vomit. Although she still has weak lungs until this day because she’d easily catch cold or cough when someone sneezed nearby.

(Important: The author does not encourage the readers to imitate what had been written about the home treatment. It is still best to consult the doctor about health issues.)

Because I was pregnant with our second child, I had to leave my firstborn child at home and go back to work again. With my bloated tummy, my everyday commuting experience was always hellish. It was 1992 and gentlemen were already scarce. No one would let a seat for a pregnant woman in those days. (It’s 2010 now. I don’t know anymore these days since I seldom use the bus during rush hours.)

I reached the end of my tether when my second baby, a son, was 11 months old. My stay-in babysitter left without goodbye. There was no one to look after my 2 kids when I and my husband went to work. My dear hubby offered to take a vacation leave for the kids while we’re looking for a new help. Unfortunately, my husband often forgot the morning calamansi juice and the warm water bathe for the kids. I was also always doubtful whether the feeding bottles were properly cleaned and sterilized. My youngest baby had already suffered from amoebiasis when he was a month old due to careless handling of formula milk and feeding bottle.

One morning in February 1993, I asked myself: Should I wait for a child of mine getting seriously ill again before I decide to take the plunge and be a stay-at-home parent? What the heck is more important? Money saved in the bank for rainy days or ample quality time to spend taking care of the family and home?

Here’s my answer to the title this blog: “When is the Right Time to Stay at Home for the Family?”

I left the work force because my children are irreplaceable. Lost income could still be earned at another time or another way without sacrificing the welfare of my children. For many years, we went through a lot of financial sacrifices and hardships but I never regretted that decision (which made me grit my teeth while finding ways to fit poverty into my family budget). I breastfed my third baby so I saved a lot of money for not buying formula milk. My only defense against hopelessness was to learn how to live (and spend thriftily) on a day-to-day basis.

Given the chance to go back in time, I will still choose to be with my three children and watch them grow up into fine individuals.